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Archive for February, 2009

i pee in the shower because:

1. as a girl it’s the only time i can experience the man-joy of standing up to pee

2. it means that I don’t need to use abrasive toilet paper on my fajita

3. i care about the environment. one less flush for (wo)man, one less flush for (wo)mankind

4. george costanza does it

5. no one is watching

i know that my actions in the shower are a dirty, dirty faux pas but i don’t care. i can’t help than to pee in the shower.

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i like to check myself out when no one is watching or at least when i think no one’s watching. i’m not narcissistic in the crazy sense. i don’t have a personality disorder. i’m just vain.

its more of an obsessive compulsion than a psychological disease. i’ll try to grab a look of myself in anything that reflects. a mirror. a shop window. a car window. a bus stop shelter. a muddy puddle. but it’s more than just trying to catch a glimpse of myself in the shiny surfaces of the inanimate objects that i happen to pass on the street. it’s not something that i leave to chance.

when i spot something in the distance that may provide the opportunity to grab a good look at myself, i will walk out of my way to get to it. ok. i don’t walk to far out of my way because ultimately i’m both vain and lazy. for example, if i need to get from point a to b, i would make a detour to pass by c in order check myself out.
abc2

this scenario is repeated until i reach my destination.

of course, i always try to pretend that i am actually enamoured with what is in the shop window, car, pool of water, bus stop shelter. but too often than not, i’ve been caught out. peering with great interest in one-way reflective glass.

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